As I took my shower yesterday, the last day of 2014 at 4:00 PM (that's how I roll these days if I'm not scheduled to be out of the house before then), I couldn't help but think about all that 2014 brought. It was undoubtedly a huge year for our family. On January 1, 2014 John took a picture of me sitting at our dining room table putting the finishing touches on our adoption application for our lawyer. Now, on January 1, 2015, I was looking at John and our beautiful daughter together on the couch today watching Star Trek. (one is watching, one is dozing in and out of sleep...I'm certain you can guess who was who). It just seems funny to me how life is full of things and life changing events that move in and out.
The A-number-1 example of this for me is literally a matter of life and death. In March, I stood by a hospital bed as I said goodbye to my last living grandparent. Several months later, I stood by a different hospital bed and welcomed my daughter to the world. Both occasions involved a great deal of tears and emotions that ran incredibly deep.
So, as I was reflecting on my 2014 and all that it held for me, I couldn't help but wonder: in order to let something in, do we need to let something out?
In January 2014, I was still healing from a pregnancy loss. Sure, I had come light years from where I had been just months earlier, (I was getting out of bed on a regular basis and could be in the same vicinity of a baby) but I still had that due date to let come and go, and it was flashing in my mind like a giant neon sign. But, the date came in, John and I dealt with it together, and I was able to let some more sadness out. Doing so helped me to ready myself that much more for motherhood to our daughter, I am certain. Little did I know that at the time we were letting some of these incredibly sad things out, our daughter's first ultrasound was being conducted and we were mere months away from our lives being forever changed. We were about to let so, so much in.
With January 2015 upon us, John and I are thinking about all there is to come: first steps, first words, first foods, and a first birthday. Never before have 365 days seemed to hold so much possibility and excitement for me. I can't wait to take it all in.
