Head Tilt

For those of you who were fanatics of the TV show FRIENDS...

Do you remember the episode where Monica and Phoebe catered a party for Richard at his apartment?  And how when Monica asked Richard how he was doing, he replied something like this:

"Oh, you must have heard about my divorce, because you're doing the sympathetic 'head tilt'."

You guys remember that?  No? Just me?  

Well nevertheless, I got head tilted this week, and for no good reason, I may add...

Now that our daughter is a bit older, I have ventured into uncharted territory: mommy-and-me classes.  We sit in a circle, we sing, we smile at other babies there and pretend we think they're as cute  and smart as our own baby is, and, eventually, start to chat with other mommies:

"How old is your little sweetheart?"

"Bottle, breast, or both"?

"Anyone getting any sleep in your house?"

...and so forth, and so on...

So, at a class this past week (on a Thursday morning...hallelujah for Spring Break!), I am sitting in a circle next to moms and babies I have never seen before and proudly bouncing my daughter in my lap as we sing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" thinking, 'oh my goodness...I am finally a mommy!  I can't believe I get to do this!'  I was blissed out.

The end of the class brought small talk between mommies sitting next to one another.  (See said idle chatter listed above).  The mom next to me had a three year old, a two month old strapped to her in a carrier, and one more at home, I learned.  And when it was my turn to answer her questions, this is how it went down:

Mom of Three: "Is she your first one?"

Me: "She sure is." (complete with squeeze and a kiss for baby)

MOT: "Plans to have any more down the line?'

M: "No, I think we are one and done.  We're so happy having her!"

MOT: *head tilt* "Noooooooo!!!!!! Don't say that, have at least one more.  You really need to."

Wait, what...I REALLY NEED to?  And what's with the head tilt?  Do you feel sorry for me?

Please don't.

Now, this could have been my chance to tell her about our years of (in)fertility hell, and the fact that our daughter is adopted, resulting in a 99.99% probability of her being our only child.  But, you see, we left our "I'm with my Adopted Child" tee shirt for me, and the baby's "I'm adopted" onesie at home.  I really need to better coordinate laundry day with mommy and me classes.

The logical gal within knows it was just small talk, and no harm was meant. Just one mommy talking to another, nothing more.  But the more I thought about it, the more the other side of Julie started to peek through, the one who analyzes everything over and over.  And then over and over some more.  

So, who are you again, and why do you insist I have more children?  

John and I have discussed over and over and over and over and over and over whether or not we should pursue having another child.  I will omit the details as to how we discussed going about this, but let's just say, we are not option-less.  Opportunities have presented themselves, and we chose not to move in that direction.

And at the end of the day, you wanna know what?

The person who previously longed to have a huge family is happier that she ever thought she could be with her family of three.  If I am being honest, I am actually a little surprised at how I really don't long to have another child.  I thought I would.  But, this little girl has filled my heart and life in ways I never dreamed of.  All of my expectations have been exceeded and I owe it all to one little giggling, 16 pound bundle of love.

Please don't get me wrong...for those of you who have two children, three, or more, that's awesome...for your family.  My own sister is blessed with three children and her house is always full of noise (the good kind!), siblings playing together, siblings loving one another, and siblings arguing over whatever.  I love that when one nephew is occupied, I turn around and there's another nephew right there to play with.  But three is what works for them.  And we are us.

So, please, mommy and me mom, no head tilting needed, no matter how well-intended you are.

Because, as for us...

One is good.  One is perfect.  One is all this family needs.